TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU ARE NOT A GROWNUP WITH A FIRM GRASP ON YOUR OWN INTERNAL FRAMEWORK, THEN PLEASE AVOID READING THIS ANSWER.
What does it mean to be "transphobic"?
Mental Illness isn't a Meme, but you get the point.
To me, the word “transphobic” is slang for “that doesn’t make any sense, I need more information” on a topic liberals don’t like looking into with any depth.
Let me explain:
The central part of your question is that YOU don’t understand why people react the way they do, to “trans people” when it’s noticed that they’re pretending to be a different gender than their birth-sex.
The “problem part” comes when you look at someone and say, “I am a woman.” when you were born a man, or “I am a man.” when you were born a woman. On top of that, there is a whole sub-class of distinct individuals who look at us and say, “I am neither man, nor woman, I am a wolf.”
So, the DSM-5 has a definition for us. (Quoted here, for editorial context. No endorsement of my answer, inferred or desired. Bolded text is my emphasis.)
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR)1 provides for one overarching diagnosis of gender dysphoria with separate specific criteria for children and for adolescents and adults.
The DSM-5-TR defines gender dysphoria in adolescents and adults as a marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and their assigned gender, lasting at least 6 months, as manifested by at least two of the following:
A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)
So, the serious answer is this: Most of the population of the United States (can’t speak for the rest of the world) aren’t “afraid” of people struggling with mental illness. They may not understand their struggle. They might be shocked by an appearance or frustrated that they don’t understand what they’re looking at, but it’s a false notion that there is a fear component with a vast majority of people.
The question author asks, “…How is someone’s gender identity anyone else's problem?”
I can tell you. (My select few examples don’t constitute the entire scope.)
I am a father of an 11 year old girl. She wants to use the “women’s room” at a rest stop. When she goes into the restroom, she comes back out and says, “There’s a man dressed like a woman, in the restroom.”
I am a father of a female and male military service member. I know for a FACT, that community showers are used in the US Military. My DAUGHTER does NOT want to stand naked in front of a biological man. I know for a FACT, my son does not want to shower with a biological female.
I am not a “bathroom” checker. I don’t want to be a bathroom checker. I want my kids, grand-kids, friends to not have to worry if there’s a grown man in the same private space as a female. I don’t. Neither does most of America.
Your strong desire, your conviction, your idea or notion about who you are inside or what you should look like on the outside is NOT my problem to solve.
I don’t want you to be upset with me when I call you sir, because you have an Adam’s apple, need a shave, and have a deep voice; but that doesn’t mean that I need to pretend you’re a woman, either. IF you insist on me pretending you’re a woman, then that violates my conscience. I can’t lie to you any more than I can lie to my family or friends. Having to lie produces a high level of stress on ME and I have enough stress as it is.
In other words, “trans people” can be anyone they want to be. If they want to be a man, woman, a baby, a fox, or Napoleon, I don’t care. I feel sorry for them, but I don’t care. You do you. I do me. Most Americans feel the same way.
My answer is saying that trans people, deliberately or not, incorrectly identify frustration, anger and resentment, as FEAR. The vast majority of us are NOT afraid.
We are frustrated, because many “trans” people look the other way when members of your community start making threats if we don’t use their proper pronouns.
We are angry when members of the trans community start posting tic-tocs about cutting our throats because we wont buy into their state of mind.
We are resentful and defensive when trans-people start attacking us and marginalizing us, for our refusal to share their strong convictions. Trans-people demand that we concede to what they think of themselves and by refusing to concede and by refusing to grant them permission to interface with us, in their “desired way”, they pretend that this can be deemed violent.
No one else gets this kind of deference in our society.
Muslims can’t deny you promotion because you refuse to say that Muhamad was a good man.
Christians can’t refuse you entry into a public park, because you refuse to venerate the statue of the “blessed Virgin”.
Hindus can’t cut your fuel pump off because you have a fresh deer caraccas in the back of your truck.
Communists can’t deny you access to a public meeting because you refuse to call them comrade.
Yet, under the guise of a civil rights movement, somehow trans-people can get an FBI agent fired because he belongs to a church that refuses to allow trans-people to use a restroom designated for their birth-sex.
We don’t fear you. We care about your life, like we do with all our fellow citizens. You deserve the right to life, liberty and persuit of happiness, just like we all do.
What you see as “fear” is really a range of reactions to you. We feel disgust that you choose to victimize our children. We oppose you, because we see your invasiveness into every part of our daily lives. WE see you are acting more like a religion - yet without a deity. You are acting like a political party, but without a figure-head. You have become the face of tyranny in a society that has a long tradition of resisting tyrants.
We don’t fear you. We are suspicious of your intent. We see you trying to hide the fact that you’re brainwashing our kids, without our consent. We are distrustful of you, because we see you sneaking your bias propaganda into our public schools without letting us decide if this is something we wish our children to learn.
We don’t fear you. We can’t trust you. because we see that you lie to yourselves and each other about the truth of your “strong desires”. This causes us to not trust you with other things more important to us. The longer it takes you to realize this and stop deluding yourselves into believing it’s “fear”, the sooner we can all get on with our lives.
This is “Max Klinger”… He is a man.
This is “Max Klinger”, he is a character in a television sitcom. Played by Jammie Farr, who is also a man.
This is also Jammie Farr. Playing the role of the “man” Max Klinger, on Mash. He is dressed like a woman. His character does not believe he’s a woman, he just wants out of the Army. The other cast members pretend like they don’t care, just want him to do his job. No one believed him. It’s a comedic script element.
America thought it was funny for a record number of seasons, for a reason. It was honest. It was funny. It was relatable.
None of the “trans-movement” of today is anything close. Stop it. Deal with your “strong desires” like we all do. We shave because we want the job, not because we like shaving. We get tattoos because we like tattoos. We KNOW we aren’t going to get a receptionist job at a law firm, with face tats and nose rings. We accept the consequences of our choices. WE are grown ups. You want to dress up like a woman and cut parts of your body to resemble the opposite sex - that’s your choice. However, do us all a favor: stay away from our kids and accept your limitations like we all do.